By Sylvianne Rivest, Writer
Michel Trozzo, the psychosocial coach who leads Memoria's Monday discussion groups for the bereaved, raises four questions that come up regularly (whether in private or group sessions).
The 4 most frequently asked questions when going through "The Waves of Grief".
1. WILL I BE ABLE TO GET THROUGH THIS?
When we experience grief, and even more so when we feel the wave of depression sweeping over us, it's common to think we can't live without the other person, and even to wish we could find them on the other side, i.e. to secretly covet the idea of ending our lives.
Having said that, we all have a baggage that enables us to bounce back and get by, which we call resilience. Since we came into this world, we've come a long way and developed more than one tool. Some stages of grief are so confusing that we can't see clearly.
Psychosocial coach Michel Trozzo gives this image as a reference:
"It's like a big rock falling into a translucent lake, its fall causing a shock at the bottom of the lake. The water becomes opaque and it's very difficult to see through it. We have to give the mud time to sink back down, so that the water becomes clearer and we can perceive the tools we have at our disposal, which will help us to rebuild ourselves afterwards."
2. WHAT WILL BECOME OF ME NOW?
This is a wonderful question, because we don't have an answer right now. In other words, anything is possible: we can become whatever we want.
Faced with this question, there are two possible attitudes:
- Panic: Because we want to hold on to what we were, but the loss has already transformed us. We are no longer the same person. We're already somewhere else, and there's no going back.
- Being creative: We can also ask ourselves the challenging question: "How am I going to rebuild myself?" The idea is not to wipe the slate clean and forget, but rather to make sense of what made us who we are and rebuild ourselves. Now we become a new person. Who do we want to become?
For example, for the loss of a lover: we're no longer the spouse, but what kind of widow do we want to be?
3. AM I GETTING DEPRESSED?
When we enter the depressive wave, it's not uncommon to wonder whether we're depressed. In fact, when we experience a depressive state, it's a necessary step so we can reorganize ourselves. It's not a pathology in itself. This depressive phase is intimately linked to our grief.
4. SHOULD I TAKE ANTI-DEPRESSANTS DURING THE DEPRESSIVE PHASE?
This is a personal decision that depends on the convictions of each and every one of us. The idea is not to convince people to take pills, on the contrary. The important thing is to listen to ourselves and recognize our needs.
If this option is conceivable for us, psychosocial coach Michel Trozzo mentions that anti-depressants can temporarily help us get through this phase in a less painful way. However, it's not the anti-depressant that's going to cure us, but rather the work we do in parallel. They act a little like painkillers during a period of convalescence.
If you need to discuss your questions further, Les espaces Memoria offers its families six free sessions with one of our psychotherapists. Bereavement discussion groups are held every Monday and led by psychosocial coach Michel Trozzo.
Click here to find out more about our support services.
Back